eh, maybe it's just bad advertising.

I've been really tired of having that short little angsty journal up on my page for so long, but every time I tried to sit down and write something happier about myself nothing came to mind. This is not to say nothing happy happened to me, I just was unabe to articulate it.

But now, I have once again found inspiration to write, though this is sort of a step backwards...

I've been struggling lately. A lot. Since I started middle school, I'd always managed to scrape by in my classes, just barely passing; not from stupidity but from sheer laziness. After five years of that, I decided that that was enough. So this year, my 11th grade year, I decided to actually give a shit about my grades. And as it turns out I really am just as smart as I'd been telling myself I am, and in that department everything is going pretty smoothly. Hell, my dad's even proud of me this year.

All well and good, yes?

Too bad that this attitude apparently now applies to everything I do--this need to show off and appeal to my superiors. I can feel it slowly squeezing all of what little I had amassed as 'myself' out into the ether. I'm snarky to my friends, I can't trust anybody any more, and I always have to sit there and redefine what it means to be 'me' whenever I try and create something. It's killing me.

My art is suffering. My relationships with people I care about are suffering. My state of mind is deteriorating. But I don't want to give up my success at school. I'm smart again, my parents are proud of me, my future is clearing up. Why do I feel like this? In order for me to succeed, do I have to sell my soul? Is that what this is?

I'd been thinking that it'd all become clear to me, that all of a sudden all of the pieces would fall into place again. But lately... I feel like I'm missing too many pieces. I've been trying on old things that I used to love and new things that seem to have potential bit nothing seems to fit me anymore.

I've always held on to the principle that if you just wait it out, that somehow everything will work out to a better solution. Even if it rains for a hundred years, the sun will eventually shine again, right?

But what if we all drowned in the flood?

Some day, maybe just once, I would like to be able to say, with confidence, that I am not a failure, and then, immediately after, to not be proven wrong.

Totally stolen from

Put your name in, and generate slogan after each question. Generator here! [link]

1. What do you say to yourself every morning?
The right Cori at the right time.

2. What do you want other people to say about you?
Behold the power of Cori. (who's a badass?)

3. Someone asked you out, your answer is...
Always after me Cori. (wtf)

4. How would you answer a booty call?
Good to the last Cori. (laughing so hard at this one)

5. How would you introduce yourself to someone you really like?
Today's Cori, since 1903. (let's hope they're into Lemon Party, then)

6. To someone you dislike?
Snap into a Slim Cori.

7. You're in a conversation and you suddenly feel the need to pee, how would
you excuse yourself?
For a hard-earned thirst, Cori. (LOL THAT IS SO DISGUSTING)

8. Your parents ask you why you got home late, you say...
I think, therefore Cori. (yeah no)

9. You're failing a subject, you say...
The Cori that likes to say Yes. (...uh... let's just hope this doesn't mean what I think it means. o_o)

10. The love of your life asks you to marry him/her, what do you say?
Ding-dong! Cori calling!

11. Your bf/gf is breaking up with you, you tell him/her...
It's a Cori adventure.

12. Someone told you you're a jerk, you tell them...
My anti-drug is Cori. (WHAT NOW YOU GOT NOTHING ON THAT)

13. What are the best words to describe you?
Cleans right round the Cori. (that's a good one)

14. If you're going to have a movie about your life, the title is...
Moms like you choose Cori. (lololol that actually sounds like a movie I'd like, to be honest)

15. Your last words before you die...
Pleasing Cori the world over. (by dying? what'd I do?!)

16. Your message to a special someone..
Break me off a piece of tha Cori.

17. Title of this post will be..
Choosy mothers choose Cori.

HEY CLICK THIS AND YOU GET TO SEE MY HASTILY PUT TOGETHER SKETCH BLOG! COOL, HUH?

If a got a sketchblog/maybe some regular blog, would anyone actually look at it? I get tired of waiting around to post sketchdumps, and the scraps section on here just seems like more trouble than it's worth.

Also, while it really doesn't matter terribly what you think as I pretty much just made one anyway, but your opinions on this would be appreciated regardless. (I'll post a link at some point once I get it actually non-gayified)

So yeah. Sketchblog, y/y?